At the Beginning and the End
by Hese Solstis
Summary: Reinterpretation of the Bleach ending. She knelt down next to him, eyes still boring deep into his. Oh, her sweet little hopeless Strawberry, did he even stop to think at times, "Who's going to save you?"


Title: At the Beginning and the End

Setting: Bleach-verse (This would probably be my first and only foray into the bleach-verse of things, everything else I do now and in the future, will only ever be in AUs)

Rating: T

Summary: My reinterpretation of Chapter 686. She knelt down next to him, eyes still boring deep into his. Oh, her sweet little hopeless Strawberry, did he even stop to think at times, "Who's going to save you?"

Prompt: Bleach and everything that's happened so far

Disclaimer: Fill in the blank- Bleach does _ belong to me. ;P

* * *

 **At the Beginning and the End**

 _One boy, one Shinigami_

 _The story of …_

xxx

They have been holding funerals and burial services since the week before. He snorted, by now; he had long since lost count of the numbers. It was hard to remember after the first ten or so, even harder to process any of it after attending the ceremony of the late Captain of Division 13.

Jyuushiro had been one of the few men he could respect in Soul Society before…

As his brown eyes spotted the tell-tale bands of white and snowy streamers billowing in the distance, he knew that the funeral procession or burial service for some other nameless soul was probably going on.

It was almost laughable- the pomp and grandiosity of the funeral processions and marches involved; sometimes lasting all the way from the Rukongai to Seireitei depending on the status of the deceased officer.

He thought that it was ironic.

The dead honouring the dead-even deader, surely there was something to be said about how odd the situation was. Either way, he didn't think they- the dead-even deader, fallen dead souls- would mind even if they had ended up buried in an unmarked grave or felt offended by the lack of elaborate parades and monumental plaques erected as a testament to their sacrifice.

Not to demean them and their role, he just thought that true heroes did not want to be remembered that way.

It seemed that the world is always entirely too busy with honouring the dead when they really should be addressing the burdens carried by those who were left living.

Beside him, Rukia stirred from her sleep, her stringy black hair framing her heart-shaped face, bags under her eyes and hands as cold as ice. She did not call out to him probably still unused to the light, he mused but eventually she shuffled out of bed and he heard the pitter-patter of her footsteps on the wooden floor of her living quarters in Division 13.

He sighed.

Their current sleeping arrangement was a by product of necessity and sheer obstinacy. Neither of them had been able to sleep and when they did actually get some shut-eye, most of the time they would wake up halfway because of the horrible nightmares.

Ichigo had lost count of the times she just went off in the night with a blood-curdling scream that shook him to the core; her reiatsu wild and absolutely terrified.

In the aftermath of the screaming fit, he would gather her into his arms and whisper soothing things to her until she eventually fell asleep again. Of course a nakama's job did not just end there, he kept vigils over her but was mostly overtaken with exhaustion himself before morning dawned.

They never spoke of the nightmares and his silent vigils. He would have personally preferred to have it kept secret- it was embarrassing, bros don't watch their bro falling asleep.

It's pansy and suggestive as hell.

xxx

But secrecy was never his strong suit and more often than naught, Rukia would find him sprawled next to her in the morning.

After the initial aggressive reaction where she hit him for supposedly _taking advantage_ of her during her sleep- he scoffed, most of the time, she was the time who was groping him in inappropriate places in a bid to turn him into her personal furnace and pillow; she relented.

Now they shared the same futon- _just temporarily_ , she was quick to add, until both of them could find a better solution to their dilemma. What sort of nakama did he take her for if she was willing to sleep him on floorboards without a proper blanket/pillow?

Rangiku who had dropped by for an sudden visit that day, took a look at the single futon in the sleeping quarters and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like _platonic, my ass._

It had taken both Rukia and him the whole afternoon to convince her that there was absolutely nothing remotely sexual about their situation- _she drools for God's sake, you think I find that attractive? Ouch! Bitch, stop hitting me! Well, he gnashes his teeth, it drives me insane!_

xxx

Getting up from the futon himself, Ichigo followed suit, trailing after his platonic bed mate like a shadow. Footsteps impossibly light because bedraggled Rukia was scary Rukia, but it wasn't like he minded terribly.

He would pick angry Rukia any day over this subdued and expressionless state that she's in right now.

She was not her usual bossy self and had been uncharacteristically subdued since Yhwach was defeated and that was troubling him a whole lot more than he let on.

He worried about her. True, the pint-sized Shinigami was strong, had faced down enemies quadruple her size in the past and was more than capable of handling herself in any fight; but the girl had recently lost her Captain, narrowly avoided the loss of her brother and came dangerously close to dying herself.

Surely that was enough to drive any sane soul to the verge of insanity?

But Rukia had remained oddly silent on her whole ordeal. In fact, she resolutely refused to talk to him about things; opting instead to put on her superior holier-than-thou Kuchiki mask again to put some distance between her and the rest of the world.

She was stubborn as a mule and truthfully, Ichigo knew that it was not his place to pry but whatever it was that she had on her mind, weighed down on her soul and at the rate that it was progressing, his patience was wearing thin.

She could pretend that the pink elephant in the room didn't exist but he would not be standing down any time soon.

And while she had every right to continue to put up her façade of nonchalance, the brazen Shinigami daiko was more than confident that he will wear her down eventually.

After all, when push came to shove, Ichigo was every bit as stubborn as the Kuchiki princess was.

* * *

He found her in the kitchen, making of all things- tea. He noticed how her tiny hands trembled ever so slightly, careful to tuck them away when she caught his gaze. He pursed his mouth and was wordlessly offered a cup of steaming ocha.

She was using Jyuushiro's favourite tea set, painted with chrysanthemum and only ever taken out on good days when he was entertaining private guests. She was the acting Captain now, whether she was willing to take on the mantle or not, as such she was granted the use of most of the late Captain's possessions.

When he commented on the dainty tea set, Rukia had told him that she used them for that extra dose of confidence when she felt like she needed her late Captain's guidance to make it through the day.

It seemed like today was one of those days.

He decided that he was done with seeing her like this.

No more wallowing, it was entirely unbecoming of her.

"Whatever it is that you have bottled inside of you, you know that you are eventually going to have to talk about it, right?"

His blunt question caught her off guard. Her violet eyes widened and she clenched her knuckles on her tea cup so tightly that they turned white.

She was too thin, he realized. Had she been eating properly at all since attending the funeral?

"I'm fine," she hissed but her hands were shaking as she set the tea cup down none-too gently on the table. Whatever it was that she had kept inside was eating away at her.

"Bullshit."

The pint-sized Shinigami glared fiercely at him, "well you're one to talk."

He narrowed his eyes, "what do you mean?"

She gave an unladylike snort at that. "Do you think I'm blind or just plain stupid, Ichigo? You think I don't know how you've been pushing everyone away? How you've refused to see anyone after the battle ended? How you wouldn't even meet _my_ eyes?"

He tried hard not to wince at her heart-breaking accusations. It's so full of hurt- part of her distress was because he would not confide in her about the things _he_ kept to himself- things that he didn't even want to acknowledge and was more than content to remain ignorant about.

After all, she wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

"You are such a hypocrite. You think you hide it so well, Kurosaki, but _I_ know something's eating away at you. You're trying just as badly to push everyone out and isolate yourself! You self-"

He set his cup down noisily. "D-D-Don't change the subject. It's not about me, goddamn it! It's about you and your shit and how you're not coping with the present situation."

He thought he was being the stronger one this time, that he would shoulder her pain for once, but as always, she sees _through_ him- with perfect clarity and brings out the things he wished would remained buried.

* * *

 _Stop it!_

* * *

Her nostrils flared. "Well, my _shit_ , as you've put it all-so eloquently, is none of _your_ business."

"Like hell it isn't!" he retorted just as angrily.

"Fuck you!" Rukia had all but screamed yet Ichigo held his ground. His mouth was set in a grim line but by the Gods, wasn't she a sight to behold with her bright eyes and rose-dusted cheeks?

"How dare you Kurosaki Ichigo, assume that you know anything about _me_!"

The teacup began rattling and hot tea spilled due to the intensity of her reiatsu. "Don't you dare! **I'm fine** and if you knew anything at all, you would leave it at that!"

"Oh like you're just absolutely _fine_ when you wake up screaming in the middle of the night about severed limbs and rolling tongues!" he bit back sarcastically, "or how about the absolutely _peachy_ way you reacted to the wind chimes the other day? Or how you were _completely in control_ of yourself the other day when you purified a hollow?"

He slammed his fist down on the table, "No, Rukia, we both know damn well you're not fine."

Rukia snapped at the comment. "Yeah so I guess I'm not. But what about you, you big hypocrite?"

"You think _you_ 're coping well with the whole aftermath?" she challenged. "You think _I_ 'm the only one with nightmares? Well, _I_ wasn't the one who went into bankai mode the other day during his sleep. _I_ wasn't the one who was so easily agitated that no sane healer would even _dare_ to approach in the infirmary. And you know what, Kurosaki?"

" _I_ wasn't the one who couldn't find closure with their loved one's death!"

Brown eyes met violet. Sometime during her tirade, Rukia had risen to her feet so they were roughly looking at each other at more or less at an equal height now.

She was challenging him to contradict her- to tell her that she was wrong in her assumptions and that Kurosaki Ichigo, the veteran and hero of Soul Society and saviour of all living and afterlife realms, didn't have secrets of his own to hide and wasn't spending his days avoiding people.

He couldn't.

xxx

And it was like every ounce of bravado he had, every tiny chink in his armour just came apart and he was vulnerable under her gaze. He was weak, disgusting and pathetic.

The sleeping arrangement was made for both of their sakes; she had lost count of the time she woke up gasping for breath because his reiatsu had gotten out of control during his sleep. Somehow her presence calmed him down more than reiatsu dampeners from Mayuri ever could and he held onto her like a lifeline.

Even when he knew he came dangerously close to crushing her in her sleep, he was selfish enough to want her to stay.

The fact that they were now bunking together in Division 13 was because they didn't want him anywhere near the other Shinigamis, not when a twitch of his pinky could send the youngest of their recruits into a coma.

Isane-san had all but barred him from her division after he accidentally sent a healer flying into a wall when the latter poked at him none-too-gently during his physical examination.

Rukia was the only one who even dared to look him in the eye after the incident, who would brave the risk of dying in her sleep for him.

And she was right. Isshin's missing status was a sore subject for him. He didn't know what to make of it. Somehow his father's body was not among those who perished during the confrontation with Yhwach.

So much had happened in the aftermath of the final confrontation, Aizen was resealed in his weakened state by the combined efforts of Urahara, Yoruichi, and Tessai but the trio had mysteriously vanished soon after, Vizards, Fullbringers and even Arrancars had left the minute Yhwach's defeat was known- Neliel had bid him a tearful and extremely _uncomfortable_ chokehold of goodbye before leaving but Ichigo understood their reason for departure, they had to rebuild their own world and in a lot of their cases, were not entirely confident that the Shinigamis wouldn't stab them in the back the minute that the threat of Yhwach was neutralized.

Their concerns were not unfounded, seeing how the lot were adamant to keep Ishida under lockdown and refusing him any visitors despite the former's contributions to the war.

He grimaced. It made him so mad that he had half a mind to storm through Soul Society again.

This was not what he had expected, how could they treat a friend like that?

Granted Ishida had joined Yhwach earlier but he was a spy working on their side, wasn't he?

He didn't deserve this treatment from Soul Society- from the people who owe their lives to him and his efforts.

If Ishida had put up even the very least bit of resistance at his capture, you could bet that the orange-haired veteran would have taken up arms.

But the Quincy shook his head and handed himself over with such an air of morose that Ichigo didn't know what to make of it. Ishida had always been so proud, so sure of himself and watching him wordlessly surrendering himself into the hands of Shinigamis; there was something just wasn't _right_.

Still it was Ishida's decision and he respected the Quincy's need for atonement, plus Shunsui had gave him his good word that Mayuri wouldn't be allowed to set foot within the holding cell and no harm would come to Ishida.

Ichigo had begrudgingly accepted.

As for the rest of his nakamas?

Renji was still suspended on bed rest under Isane-san's strict orders; Inoue and Chad were still unconscious. He was barred from visiting Chad or anyone else in the infirmary due to Isane-san's orders. But even if there wasn't a restraining order in place, he doubted that he could bring himself to face his friends- he failed to protect them when it mattered the most.

It seemed to be the only thing he excels at doing- letting his friends down, dragging them into battles that they had no right to be in and ultimately being too weak to protect them. But even then that was the least of his problems.

Without Urahara, he and the rest of Soul Society had all but lost contact with the living world. Granted the Shinigamis were less than interested in the fate of the living when their world and home lay in ruins from the aftermath of the battle, but he wasn't.

Say what you want about him finally being a real Shinigami and acquiring his true Zanpakutou, but he wasn't strictly anchored to the afterlife either. He has family- his sisters on the other side, he missed them.

Were they eating right?

Did they miss him?

Shit, what was he even going to tell them about their father considering that Kurosaki senior's body still was unaccounted for and the Royal Guards left as quickly as they appeared?

He felt utterly miserable and completely abandoned.

* * *

 _Déjà vu_.

* * *

This feeling-it's happened before; once when he lost his powers and it seemed like he was the only one who couldn't keep up, but the rest of the world was more than happy to continue without him.

All his doubts and uncertainty that he had kept at bay from all those months descended upon him and he didn't know how to face them.

Deep down inside, he was so scared at the rate things were changing. One minute they were busy with training and worried out of their mind about their nakama's survival, staying alive was the ultimate end game and nothing else mattered; the next, they were busy with rebuilding, shooing him out of their way just as quickly as they needed him, funeral services and elaborate processions, medals awarded and titles given.

Suddenly everyone wanted to talk to him about the final battle.

Suddenly everyone had questions, like the fate of the realms now that the Soul King was dead.

Was he the Soul King now?

* * *

 _Shit!_

* * *

This wasn't what he signed up for and why were they looking at him for answers? How was he supposed to answer all those questions?

He thought his job was to protect- protect his family, protect his nakamas, protect Soul Society and her inhabitants. When exactly did he receive a job promotion and was expected to know the answers to life's mysteries?

For crying out loud, he didn't know a thing more than Renji about how things were going to be now. Yhwach didn't exactly leave a memo and the rest of the world wasn't exactly unhappy when he cut the bastard down.

Yet, there had been people who looked and regarded him with such disappointment when he failed to produce a satisfactory answer.

He couldn't handle it and he hated to think that he had failed anyone in his endeavours.

"Rukia," he breathed, looking at once like a boy lost in the clothes of a grown man. He needed her so desperately, always has and probably always will. She is his _nakama_ \- in every sense of the word and he _needed_ her like she was the sun in his sky and the reason for all his minuscule happiness during such bleak times.

Yet, he was afraid of letting her get too close.

He looked at her with such pain in his eyes. She doesn't understand it but he can't let her get too close to him.

He was afraid that despite everything, she would eventually leave him again. Those seventeen months were a torture he would never want to go through again. It was a constant ache to reach out for something that wasn't there anymore.

She doesn't and probably would never understand his pain, wouldn't know that the first thing he thought about when he wakes up every morning during those torturous months was how eerily quiet everything was.

Where there used a ceaseless drum of cacophony, of chatter, voiceless whispers of her reiatsu casually brushing against his- gone, replaced by the sound of silence. He got up every morning, grappling blindly for even just a feel of _something_ , but where his hands came up to push, there was only air.

He sat up ramrod straight, so mystified by everything before remembering that _that_ life wasn't his any longer. He could feel himself dying with every passing day and that feeling; he never wanted to ever be in that vulnerable position ever again.

A life without her and Shinigami duties, it's like passing through life without meaning and at times he was tempted to run in front of a passing car just for the heck of it.

But perhaps his greatest fear was that if she got too close enough to knew who he really was- his pain, his anguish, his fears, the coward hiding underneath all his bravado; she would be disgusted and leave him- _forever,_ forsaking him just like the rest of the world because he was unworthy and he was weak.

He didn't think that he could find the strength within him to carry on if she were to despise him.

* * *

 _Fool!_

* * *

The elfin woman silently fumed. Damn it all! Damn him for being such a masochist, for his lack of self-preservation and his incessant need to please and protect.

The buffoon needed to wake up to see that he didn't owe the world anything. His efforts and contributions were immeasurable and his nakamas, his real friends would never think anything less of him. She wanted to scream at him, throw things at him, freaking murder him if she could at times.

But right now, when he looked at her with such a pitiful expression, all she wanted to do was to shoulder his pain.

Yet, how could she when he refused to even acknowledge it with her?

His unwillingness to open up and confide in her, she grimaced- it hurt.

She was patient and she was willing to wait, yes. But she could not stand the fact that he was _cheapening_ their friendship to the extent that he was going to just keep bottling everything up and pretend that they didn't exist in the first place.

She bit her lips; she doesn't know how she's going to be able to support him like that.

She thought they had long since established that they were nakamas and it was okay to rely and depend on each other when things got rough. She stared into his eyes and pursed her lips.

Just who exactly was she to him?

A mother figure?

A mentor?

A friend- his best friend?

Has he ever seen her in a way that exceeded the parameters and boundaries of platonic friendship?

She snorted; Ichigo has the sensitivity of a button and he can be just so slow on things, she highly doubted that he ever had the least bit of romantic intentions towards her. She had already accepted it- a reality where they're best friends with their friendly banters even when they're both old and gray, where his children would know her as Auntie Rukia and she would dote on them.

She could live with that because she wants him to be happy and she is afraid of even vocalizing her feelings because he is too young.

She looked at his vibrant tresses and sighed so softly that an untrained ear wouldn't have been able to hear it. He is so young and full of life and she… she was old enough to know better than to push her unrequited feelings onto someone so dear to her.

Besides, she has had a century's worth of experience and Kuchiki training in suppressing her emotions- denying them, pushing them into the furthest corners in her mind and just focus on her duties. It should be child's play to her.

She's content being his friend- best friend actually, if he would let her, but no one, certainly no Kuchiki ever told her how hard it would be putting those lessons into practice when the person she's trying to deny those troublesome feelings for could very well be her soulmate.

It's hard not being able to help him and be his pillar of strength when he obviously needed her to fend off his demons and it's not easy being around him, a person she _love_ _-_ cares about who is hell-bent on pushing everyone away.

She could feel her body shaking and her voice was hoarse from exertion, from fatigue- just emotionally and physically drained.

"No, Ichigo. You can't use me and my problems to deflect yours," her bottomless pools of ice cut into his, and he looked away, ashamed.

* * *

 _How?_

* * *

He relied on Rukia so much he forgot how his life was before she appeared. He would risk his life and go to the ends of the world for her sake. He would, if he were sentimental and honest enough, regard his feelings for her as something that exceeded the confinements of platonic friendship.

She understood him, reached out to him with her words and actions when he had purposely built and isolated himself in a fortress. She rebuilt his world and ingrained herself so fully into its foundation that … it became hard to breathe in her absence. She is his nakama, the one he would trust to have his back and the only one who he ever could truly open up to.

How, he wondered, how can you need someone with so much desperation and yet still struggle with the ability, the decision to let them enter your world and hear your thoughts?

Gods, he was such a helpless mess.

"You don't get to ignore your own worries and project them onto mine. You don't get to be all courageous and go into your Messiah complex about wanting to save everyone from their issues."

She knelt down next to him, eyes still boring deep into his. Oh, her sweet little hopeless Strawberry, did he even stop to think at times, "Who's going to save you?"

She gently held both sides of his face, ignoring his stubbles pricking against her fingers.

"You're hurting inside just as badly and running away from your problems, isn't going to solve them."

She can feel his frustration- his self-waged war between letting her in and shutting her out like the rest of world.

She sighed as she stood up. Disappointed as she was, she still wouldn't make him choose.

He should never have to make the hard, grown-up decisions when he had her around.

"I'm leaving," she said, "come look for me when you figure out what exactly it is that you want from me."

A hairline crack appeared on the tea cup.

He stared resolutely into the cup of tea that had long since grown cold.

* * *

Her feet carried her to the infirmary of Division Four. Rukia told herself it was because she needed to see Nii-sama and Renji, but honestly it was also the conscientious decision since there's a restraining order against the orange-haired buffoon in place here.

She couldn't face him yet. She needed time to collect her thoughts. That confrontation was draining at best.

If _he_ hadn't surprised her this morning with the need to discuss her _problems_ , then she would have been perfectly content to let things flow the way they were supposed to. She would dig him out of his depression, poke him, shake him up and piece by piece, little by little, make him whole again; just as she has always done.

But as always with Ichigo, nothing goes according to plan. And her emotions, lack of sleep, morning grouchiness, whatever it was; got the better of her this time. It was always so utterly frustrating watching him struggle and so resolutely refusing her help.

His snappy comebacks, insinuating that she wasn't quite that _together_ either was the figurative straw that broke the camel's back earlier this morning.

Still she regretted her outburst now that she was able to think clearly and rationalize her thoughts.

She sighed.

xxx

"You know, if all you're going to do is mope and sigh here," came Renji's drawl, "I'd rather you go visit Taichou."

She _lightly_ swatted him, "Shut up and eat your broth, Renji."

He yowled in pain, rubbing his shoulders. "Jeez, lighten up Rukia. I know you've got your boy issues, but you didn't have to take it out on me. I'm recovering here and this is the sick bay. It's pretty much illegal for you to hit a patient."

"I do _not_ have _boy issues_ ," she growled, driving a finger ruthlessly into the same spot earlier, "Ichigo is just being an **idiot**."

She huffed. She prided herself on her ability to read the boy, but even then there were times were she just couldn't understand him and there were limits to what tough love could do to drag him out of his shell.

Maybe it's because he belonged to the class of human who owned a different set of genitals and were thus, incapable of making rational decisions.

Maybe that's the problem with men in general then. They were pigs who didn't want to talk about their feelings and were more than happy to pretend that there wasn't any to begin with.

Violet eyes zeroed in on a perfect specimen of male ignorance before her, who was unfortunately too busy slurping away at his bowl of noodles to pay attention to the danger that he was in.

Rukia bristled.

"What is it with you men? Why is it always necessary to be 'cool' and act like you've got everything under control? Would it kill you to just cast away your stinking pride for one _goddamn_ minute and let _me_ in?"

Renji looked up from his noodles- confused and bewildered. What brought that on?

"Why do you always have to be in such a bad funk? Are you incapable of being happy? Must you always concern yourself with the affairs of a world that's beyond yours? Why is it that you always have to have the weight of the world at your shoulder when all you need to do really is _freaking breathe!_ I don't get it."

He tried to intervene. "Now, wait a second, Rukia are you sure we're even talking about m-"

Rukia paid him no heed at all.

"I dig you out of that emotional poison you drown yourself in. I don't complain about it but do you think it's fun, figuring out the nuances of teenage boys and their cryptic meanings behind every single word, every twitch of your eyebrows and angry scowls? You think you're so great and you're doing everyone a favour because 'well I'm the hero, let me be the one suffering in silence, the rest of the world deserves to be happy'. But you're just an idiot and about as complex as a children's picture book with your hidden angst."

She scowled fiercely, "You idiot. Stop pushing _me_ away."

Renji looked like he was about to interject a helpful comment, but a look from his raven-haired compatriot simply made him whimper and choke down his words.

She's got her demon eyes with her and it scared him at times. Especially when she was on a roll.

"I am your nakama! I won't judge you and I swear to _God_ I have the patience of a saint when it comes to dealing with you and your teenage angst drama! Hell," she rose to her full height, which granted wasn't really intimidating at all, unless you are at the receiving end of her Medusa glare like a certain red-haired fukutaichou at the moment.

He squeaked.

"All I ever wanted for you was to live a healthy and long mortal life. Maybe have a few kids, build a family in the suburbs, be _happy_ you know. I am being entirely selfless and I am always making the best decisions that I can on your behalf!"

Renji whimpered, sinking more into his bed with every passing second.

"But you," she scoffed, "you never appreciated my efforts. And it seems like every time I try to do the right thing by you and we seem to separate for good, you throw yourself into some even more dangerous and otherworldly shit that I am utterly incapable of saving you from. Never mind the fact that when the very reason I left in the first place was because I never wanted you to get involved in the Shinigami business."

"Why do you always need to put yourself in harm's way? I made peace with the fact that I can't have you and you belong in the living world," her fists clenched, "why do you have such a hard time respecting _my_ wishes?"

"It's not rocket science, you know. All you need to do is to stop acting like such a _tsundere_ , stop involving yourself in Soul Society business and stop being so gullible. Because honestly Ichigo, Ginjo? You could tell that there was obviously some hidden agenda to that man. Jeez, you're just like a big baby who can't be trusted with simple things like 'don't talk to strangers who offer you mysterious ways of regaining your powers and for God's sake don't follow them into some shady place alone'."

She rubbed her temple gingerly. "I swear I can't even take my eyes off of you for one second. Who knows what sort of trouble you'll land in next."

"Then don't."

xxx

Two sets of eyes turned to the sound of the newcomer standing at the entrance.

"Ichigo!" said Renji, overjoyed at the sight of his _saviour_. Finally, here was someone to take the pressure off of him; he can have that little midget from hell. He had more than enough of Angry Rukia for the day. Oh but wait, he knew that look in the tangerine's eyes, oh shit, and he's looking at Rukia.

* * *

 _Fuck._

* * *

He choked on his noodles.

Shit was about to hit the fan and he didn't want to be anywhere near this warzone when it explodes. He needed to get out quick but damn his broken legs.

Where was Hanatarou when you needed him?

* * *

Ochre eyes bore deep into hers. Her face grew hot- absolutely horrified at being caught ranting about him in front of Renji, but she bristled, that brute has the worst manners ever.

Just how long had he been standing there?

And how _dare_ he sneak up on her like that?

"Maybe what you really should be doing is stop making those decisions for me," he said, staring determinedly at her. She gulped, yup; he definitely heard the majority of her spiel then.

No matter, he wasn't actually supposed to be in the infirmary. She still got this.

xxx

Rukia folded her arms and glared at him. "Well what are you doing here? Didn't you hear Isane-san say you're not allowed to be in here?" She raised an eyebrow. "Direct insubordination to a higher-ranking officer and eavesdropping now, are we?"

It was weak, she knew but at times like this, she was ever so glad that he was still unseated and officially remained as a Shinigami daiko.

She could still pull rank and she was on the moral high ground for this. She just needed to stand firm.

Predictably, he ignored her and she didn't think she could get any angrier than this. "Did you ever just think that maybe just maybe, I never wanted to be in a life without you and Shinigami duties?"

She harrumphed loudly and said, "Well that's the most absurd thing I had ever heard. You've through fifteen years of your life never knowing the truth about the Spirit world, didn't you? It should be easy for your life to go back to the way it was."

He chuckled humourlessly and she stiffened. "No, Rukia. I went through the first fifteen years of my life trying to stay afloat in normal mundane life. I never felt I belonged in that world and I _freaking_ see ghosts remember? Just how many fifteen year old teens do you see running around beating up punks after they desecrated the offerings to the ghosts of little girls? How many mortal teens you know who have their Soul Chains broken and still go about life as an ordinary soul?"

"I don't know if you've ever noticed, but normalcy was never an option for me. I think we both know that I'm better off in Soul Society than the Living World. I was the furthest thing from normal. And then you appeared in my life," he took a few steps closer to her, she half-heartedly wished that he would stop, "you changed my life. You were the rudest little pint-sized midget ever- trespassing and giving lame ass explanations, forcing me to host you in my room, forcing me to go purifying hollows on your behalf even during classes. I have an image, you know; the teachers probably think that I have a weak bladder or something. You were the single most annoying person I had ever encountered."

"I mean, even now, you could a real slave driver and control freak, you know," Rukia opened her mouth, ready to retort, but was stopped when he gave a sharp look. She bit down on tongue, well if he was going to bare his soul to her, as a person she was morally obliged to hear him out.

But she swore if he didn't follow up his rant with something sweet about her, she was going to kick him where it hurts.

"You're horrible. You're bossy and demanding. You're always out there making those decisions for me like I couldn't be trusted at all- I know I've made some bad, less than wise decisions in the past, but why do you think they happened in the first place, because I was trying to find a way to get back to you and the world that you single-handedly decided that was not for me."

"And for someone who's always toting about sharing burdens, talking about your emotional problems to your nakamas, you suck at following your own advice," he told her, "You suck at telling people things too. I know you're strong and you act like you don't need anyone- you probably got by relying on no one else but yourself for so long now you forgot what it means to fight alongside someone. Well, I want to be that someone that you can rely on to fight with you on the battle front and be trusted to have your back when you're having nightmares too. I can be your shoulder to cry on too, you know."

* * *

 _"Rukia, let me be the one to save you this time."_

* * *

He licked his lips and gave her such a soft smile, she decided that she was going to let this slight pass unpunished, "I think it's only fair. You stopped the rain. You gave me the sword in my hand so I could stand up and fight my battles, protect those who I love, you gave me," he paused, grabbing her by the shoulders now that he was close enough.

"You gave me everything, Rukia," he murmured; orange tresses covering those soulful eyes of his and all she could do was stare, "I don't think I wanted to go back to the way things used to be- I never want a life where everything is _normal_ , I want a life where there's you and me, and maybe a bit of Soul Society dragged in there too, fighting together to make everyday life and afterlife," he smirked here and she rolled her eyes, he thinks he's so cool with his lame puns, "safer for everyone."

"I never asked you to be selfless, to make compromises for me, to sacrifice yourself for me to live a _normal_ life. If you even bothered asking me, I would tell you that I wanted you to stay. You can _have_ me if you want to."

He had the decency to blush here, and Rukia just happened to think that he looked adorable.

"I'll fight anyone who tries to tell me otherwise or that I don't belong in Soul Society as a Shinigami. I swear, even if it's you."

xxx

She cleared her throat loudly; she still had to maintain her composure of course, as a Kuchiki.

"That still doesn't explain what you're doing here. I thought we've established that you should only come looking for me when you know what you want from me."

He deadpanned, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. "Didn't I just do that?"

Rukia bristled. "No," she stomped her foot petulantly, "you said you wanted to be _my_ nakama and told me to stop being a bitch by making those decisions in life for you. You basically told me off- a slave-driver, annoying pint-sized midget and control freak. Was I supposed to feel flattered?"

She glared at him and he scowled exasperatedly, "I _fucking_ bared my soul to you, bitch and all that you got out from _that_ was that I called you a _control freak!_ "

Ichigo swore she was going to give him white hairs and send him to an early grave one of these days simply because she could. She was a horrible little manipulative thing who had him wrapped around her pinky.

She feigned ignorance and sniffed haughtily. "Well, I really wouldn't know _Kurosaki-kun_. You are usually so very open and straight-forward. Never one to mince words and I had no idea that you found me to be so annoying and unworthy of being _your_ nakama."

* * *

" **FINE!** " he bellowed, "I am sorry I wasn't honest with you about my problems."

But of course, he should have known that she was not going to be appeased by such a simple statement. The little thing was tapping her foot impatiently and giving him a look that clearly indicated a need for elaboration from his part.

He growled.

"I am worried sick at the thought of Yhwach's return and being powerless to stop him. I am so disgusted at myself that I couldn't even protect those closest to me and I've let them down. I watched them take Ishida away and still couldn't help him. I couldn't protect Inoue and Chad," he looked away, unwilling to meet her gaze.

"I am so afraid of losing- my powers, my family, my friends, you," he shook his head sadly, "shit, I don't even know what I'm supposed to tell Yuzu and Karin now that old Goat-chin is officially declared missing. I am supposed to be good you know, heroes know everything don't they? And they should win and they need to be str-"

She inhaled sharply.

* * *

 _Slap!_

* * *

" **BAKA!** " she roared, "Stop thinking that the world revolves around you! Yhwach's return is not just your problem. Everyone knows that," she pointed at herself, "I worry about that too, but I am not going to mope around, wondering when and where he'll strike. I won't let him get the better of me and stop me from fighting for the things that I believe in. I still take a stand and I will fight."

She grabbed him by the front of his Shihakusho and he never had his heart beating so fast, "I will train and fight with my nakamas. And **we** will win! He can't have my future. I won't let him."

xxx

Damn, he thought that woman's got a way with him, even though she typically relied on more physical ways to show him that she cares.

 _Would she be as feisty in the bedroom though?_

No, stop that, he's not a masochist and he was _so_ not going to get hard and risk the future of little Ichigo when he was completely at the mercy of his raven-haired Death goddess.

xxx

"Screw the naysayers. You don't need their recognition to feel that you did a good job," she pulled him down to her height. "Kurosaki Ichigo, you did a great job! You saved Soul Society and all the three realms. You're a hero, maybe not the best hero that there is, but you're damn well close."

"You're _my_ hero and you're more than worthy. You are so utterly selfless, you put Mother Theresa to shame and you saved me in more ways than you could ever imagine. We'll figure out how to save Ishida-san, Orihime and Chad _together_. We'll think of something and you didn't fail them. You," she pressed her hands against his cheek, "you're more than a hero than anyone will ever be and heroes are allowed to feel doubt, shame and sorrow too. You don't have to shut out the rest of the world while you're out there playing hero either."

"Take it from someone who knows," she breathed, "I spent my younger years isolating myself from everyone and everything because of my fears. And when _that person_ came even close to breaking me out of my shell, but then _died,_ I didn't learn anything at all from him and only proceeded to build a thicker wall. That was my greatest regret. And I wouldn't get another chance to redeem myself until much later, until the day I met you," she confessed.

"I wish I knew then what I know now, the utter futility of pushing away everyone because you were afraid of hurting them and in turn, getting hurt. Kaien-dono showed me that," said Rukia, "and he left his heart with me. I hope to do justice to his memory. I hope to be the Kaien-dono to someone else too and show them what he showed me."

* * *

 _"I want that someone to be you, I want to leave my heart with you and break you out of your shell."_

* * *

She paused; they were standing so close now that she could count his individual eyelashes. His eyes, he had such lovely brown eyes that didn't deserve the pain she saw in them. She reached for his hand and pressed it against her cheek.

xxx

"I'm scared too. I miss my Captain. I don't know if I could ever measure up to him and his standards as the Captain for Division Thirteen. I don't want to be undeserving of Kaien-dono's faith in me and I want to be someone that Byakuya-nii-sama can call his sister with pride. I want to be the best that I can be, but I'm afraid of failing at that too."

She whispered, "I don't ever want to let you down either. I never want you to feel that there're things you can't talk about with me and shut me out because you think you're not good enough. I am afraid of my own inadequacy and failing those who love me too. But that doesn't mean I should just give in without trying and start believing that I don't deserve happiness."

They've both been hiding and running from the world, their friends- she, because she had never entertained the idea of having someone to fall back on when things got rough and he did it because was a matter of habit, they escaped to their little corner of the world where the only one they could ever bear to share their breathing space with was each other.

And each one of them was so goddamn _devoted_ , for the lack of a better word, to each other and more than willing to think nothing of their own issues but focus the other's issues instead.

They tried to push their insecurities, fears down to the pit and darkest recesses of their mind- to not acknowledge it to avoid giving it the power to rule over them; only to have it doing just the opposite.

They _needed_ each other, he realized with a start- to have courage to face these demons of theirs head on and to have the strength to move on despite everything.

His breath caught and he dropped to his knees. The words began spilling out of his mouth before he could even stop them.

xxx

"Don't ever let me go. I don't care if it sounds cheesy or stupid, but we need each other and I never want you to be somewhere where my eyes can't see and my voice can't reach."

The inexplicable feeling of warmth and adoration flooded through her veins.

* * *

 _Is this love?_

* * *

She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when he became something more than a nakama. But she digressed, she had never fallen in love either so perhaps that was the very nature of things- to be caught unaware of the intensity of your emotions towards another person until you're in way too deep and suddenly the only way to go was to sink in deeper.

Still, that didn't mean she was obligated to find all his personality traits wonderful and flawless. No, veteran and war hero he may be but Kurosaki Ichigo is a flawed man, through and through.

They will have their struggles and hit road bumps on their future journey together.

They may falter and they may have their squabbles and disagreements.

She would probably have to dig him out of his depression and make him see the light again in more instances than she would care to remember; he would probably have to make her cry, smile and feel those pesky human emotions every now and then, to make sure she's alive, that there's more to life than being a Kuchiki and a Shinigami.

But she would be his guide and he, hers and they would have each other.

And that's all that mattered.

Despite the uncertainty, whatever comes their way, they will find a way to solve it _together_.

* * *

She scoffed and patted his cheek condescendingly. "Wouldn't dream of it, you big baby. Didn't we just establish that I should never take my eyes off of you," her nose touched his, "Who knows what sort of trouble you'll get into without me?"

"Wherever you go," she smiled, "I'll be there," she promised and it was a promise that she will keep.

They stare deep into each other's eyes and looked deep into their souls.

This, they realized, this was-

* * *

 **"So, does that mean you guys are together now?"**

* * *

The two lovers whirled around in surprise, only to see Renji casually lounging on his bed, popcorn magically in hand and busy stuffing his face.

Along with a huge crowd of audience- probably everybody from Division Four had gathered and cramped themselves into the tiny room. Rukia had no idea that the tiny room could fit in so many but she quickly spotted the lavender-haired Captain, standing tall and at the far back of the room, delicately dabbing away her tears with a handkerchief.

Their audience stared at them with eyes wide as saucers, unnerving her and a free flow of popcorn was being passed around joyously.

The couple quickly flushed pink and she furtively sneaked a glance at her partner in crime.

She smirked; the Strawberry could give his fruity namesake a run for money.

xxx

"Renji," he shrieked, "when did you get here?"

The lieutenant's eye twitched. "You idiot, I was always here. Next time check before you barge into someone's room without their permission. You're so dumb that Rukia could have done much better with someone else."

"What was that? You big baboon," the younger man challenged.

"Jeez, you hard of hearing, Strawberry?" teased Renji, "I said, Rukia probably got the shorter end of the deal. I bet you probably wouldn't even have the balls to kiss her," said Renji as he gave the orange-haired Shinigami a shark-toothed grin, daring the latter to accept the challenge.

"Oh yeah," scowled Ichigo, "watch me!"

xxx

And he proceeded to grab a shocked Rukia by the shoulders and pressed his lips against hers in a quick peck. The woman yelped in surprise, especially when the impact hadn't even lasted long enough for her to register any. It ended as quickly as it began.

She frowned, as far as first kisses go, it was pretty anticlimactic.

Where was the firework, the sparks, the lingering need for oxygen those Shoujo mangas were always harking about?

They can't be all wrong.

She quickly concluded that he must be doing it wrong and there was only one thing left to do.

xxx

"There!" crowed a victorious Ichigo as he proceeded to turn his back to Rukia and rub his new victory in Renji's face. "Eat your words, Pineapple. As if I co-"

" **BAKA!** " she interrupted him rudely, whacking him at the back of his head, successfully regaining his attention, "that's not how you kiss a girl."

With a strong tug, she easily pulled him down to her level and without a second thought to the audience, pressed her lips against his. Her surroundings melted away and suddenly there was only him and her. The rest of the world could go and off themselves at this point.

This was probably the first time in her life as a Kuchiki that she cared so little of other's opinions.

She focused on the now and she was only vaguely aware of being lifted into his arms. Strong sinewy arms wrapped around her midsection and her legs wound up snugly around his waist.

There was nothing in this world and the next, that could tear her down from this high.

The kiss deepened amidst the loud cheers and wolf-whistles.

* * *

She smiled.

xxx

This time it happened- the sparks, the butterflies in the stomach, the oh-so natural reaction to wrap her hands around his shoulders and run her fingers through his soft hair. She melted against him and the promise that he gave her.

Of things to come, that she would always have him if she wanted to.

It was as they have always been; her leading and him following.

It was just the natural way for things to progress.

Eventually, he would man up and step into the role of her soulmate and claim her as she had always been, his moon- his light in the dark; and she would accept, because she knows that the loudest proclamations of love and trust are in the soft smiles they have for each other when they think no one is watching, and the unsaid things left in the wake of burning passion.

xxx

"Oi, keep it PG you two! Taichou's in the other room, you know!"

xxx

She heard nothing but the sound of his heart beat.

Theirs was the story of _Destiny_.

* * *

Omake:

"What is going on with the commotion outside, healer?" came the unhappy drawl of the 28th Head of the Grand and Noble Kuchiki household. He detested the sterile white walls of the infirmary and now this cacophony of _utterly unseemly_ noises, was hardly conducive to his healing.

He sniffed delicately. He had half the mind to take up the issue with the Head Commander himself.

"Hai," replied the black haired Hanatarou respectfully, "Kuchiki Taichou, it seemed that there's a celebration currently going on in the next room."

"Oh," the sable-haired noble raised a delicately shaped eyebrow, "and pray tell what matter is it that had the occupants of the room in such gripping spirits?"

"It's not what, Kuchiki-taichou," here, the timid healer beamed brightly, his two favourite people in the world have finally came together and he was besides himself with fanboy glee, "it's Kurosaki-san and Kuchiki-san. They're kissing!"

There was a pregnant pause and Hanatarou was puzzled that the Captain was not pleased at the news. Surely this warranted some reaction?

Then, "I see."

The mousy healer heaved a sigh of relief.

See? There was not a single soul in the universe that wouldn't be happy that the two Shinigamis have finally realized their feelings for each other.

No one could possibly deny the existence of the special bond those two share and-

"Hanatarou-san,"

"H-H-Hai," he was shocked to say the least. He had no idea that such an important man like Kuchiki Taichou would know his name. This, he thought must be power of Ichiruki. The world becomes a much better place because of them.

"Please fetch me my sword. There's _a boy_ who is soiling the reputation of my pride. His actions will not go unchecked and unpunished."

xxx

"Ah, Kuchiki Taichou! Please stop, you'll tear up your wounds again."

" _Boy_ , prepare to die!"

"Nii-sama! This isn't what it looks like."

"Oi, **what the hell,** Byakuya!"

"Taichou! I swear I was going to tell you about this."

* * *

Author's Note:

XD I'm not dead but is there anyone out there who hasn't been disappointed with how sluggish I've been. I am not the best writer, especially when it comes to updates and what not but I'd appreciate it if you take the time with this fic and author's note. It's long, I know. XD

Bear with me please.

I finally did my reinterpretation of Chapter 686. I didn't want to do anything too angsty, we have had more than enough of that. So I did this, something not too dark, not too fluffy. I want them to be real and IC, I always thought it's odd that they don't address the issue of PTSD and other emotional _feelings_ in Bleach, well yes they do, but not as much as I would like it.

But this 19-page long baby, this is something that I have always seen as a fact that it would ultimately be a story of healing, acceptance, _courage_ (yes, I am looking at you, kuborg) between Death and Strawberry.

I apologize if everything else is very vague. Especially the bit about both Renji and Byakuya being confined to bed rest, and Chad and Orihime being unconscious, pretty sure it didn't actually happen in the manga. It's all to help with the flow of the story. I apologize if there isn't as much characterization of the rest Bleach cast as well, because I believe that it's always been about Ichigo and Rukia at the heart of things- they are the beginning and the end of the series.

They are the start and the end of all things. I purposely left it so it would open to everyone's interpretation about what happened to the rest of the Bleach cast like Yoruichi, Urahara, Ryuuken and Isshin, especially.

What happened to them was a sacrilege and don't even get me started on the recent sympathy card deployed by Kubo. I am calling it as I see it a sympathy card ploy because what he did was inexcusable and I really do believe that he had more than sufficient time to change the direction the story was heading even before FB arc. The fact that he didn't, just proved that he was ship-baiting and that is inexcusable.

Rukia and Ichigo belong together, Hanatarou ships it, Isshin ships it heck I bet even the Soul King shipped it. So there, there's nothing else for me to add other than the fact that I am a diehard Ichiruki shipper. I will sink with this and don't even think of convincing me otherwise.

PS. My pet peeve is the Isshin dilemma. How is it no one recognized him as Shiba Isshin if he was a Captain all those years ago? Did Rukia know? And does Ichigo actually know about his identity as a Shiba? Was it ever revealed that he had that serious conversation with Isshin? Someone please explain things to me.


End file.
